Wednesday, March 31, 2010

One Day to Go

Well, this time last year the decision was made for me to give birth (via c-section) to Alex. As I had extreme polyhydramnious and was having trouble breathing. I feel so on edge, spent some of last night crying and I can feel the tears just waiting for the tap to be turn on and to be released again. This last two weeks with the lead up to Alex's birthday have been so hard. I thought I would have had a bad day on his actual birthday but the lead up has been so emotional. Much harder than expected. I miss him so much it hurts. I know he is safe and happy in Heaven but it still hurts. Love and miss you Alex James Murdoch.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I have been feeling rather flat since Sunday. Tonight I was getting the washing in and God gave me a rainbow. I knew it was God saying everything is going to be ok I'm with you. As we have had totally blue sky's today and not a drop of rain, so I know the rainbow was just for me.

So many people I know are pregnant or just about to give birth, I'm happy for them, but at times it's so hard, I'm supposed to have a 7 month old if Alex survived. Otherwise I'm supposed to be four months pregnant, if we hadn't lost our last pregnancy in October. I don't know what this new year is going to bring, hopefully happiness and joy and contentment. But I just have to trust God and remind myself of his faithfullness.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Well, I'm new writting my own blog. So here it goes.
I guess today the emotions of the past couple of weeks (Christmas and New Year) caught up with me. Today we had a good fun day at the local aquatic centre, and then tonight we all went to my sisters place with family and friends to celebrate my niece's 13th birthday. All was good until some ask my stepsister how old her daughter was, then I just teared up. Alex should be the same age as her daughter, seven months. But instead Alex has now been in Heaven 9 months today. I miss him so much, I can't stop the tears flowing tonight. I guess I just hold them in for so long and then eventually they come out. We ended up leaving early and my kids missed out on birthday cake.